Wednesday, 29 September 2010

''You're a beautiful disaster.''

Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love. And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes... you get it back and live happily ever after.

''Whenever I cried he would always make me feel like he would change the world if he could so it couldn't hurt me anymore''

I feel lost, somehow I'm drifting away,
Was almost gone, you brought me to life again.
So let me be your lighthouse
And I'll help you find the way out of here..

Whats the world coming to..

Now seriously.. Last night i was just casually walking to the shops, as you do, and this little girl decides to shout at me; ''come!'' as if to start a fight, and she was dead serious. I kid you not, she was about 9. How the hell did her parents bring her up!? Beat her!? Let her watch jeremy kyle!?
I can almost bet you her first word was 'wanker' or something.

I know i have a bit of time to think about it, but i got my work experience letter and i don't know what i want to do with myself? My mind was blank. There's only one thing i'm certain of and thats travelling, and that i want to do things that others wouldnt dare to. I'm definately going to travel for a year or so, get away from swindon, but thats all i've really thought about, thats all i really want to think about.
Because, knowing that one day i have to go into the world by myself scares the hell out of me. But everyone does it i suppose, some take it more lightly than others. OR could just live the high life and be a drug dealer? maybe.
I've come to realise as i was led in bed last night that i think things through way too much. I live everyday as if it's my last.. but i just want to get away from everything. This is breaking me. It's killing me. I cant do it anymore. But even though i cant, i'd still try for you. Because i care for you, i'm just sorry it's like this. Just know i'll always have time for you.

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

p.s i miss you

No matter how much i try to get you out of my head you're always there.
Take a risk..
p.s i love you

P.s, I love you.

Monday, 27 September 2010

Fall in love or fall in hate
Get inspired, or be depressed
Ace a test or flunk a class
Make babies, or make art
Speak the truth, or lie and cheat
Dance on tables or sit in the corner
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself, breathe,
and enjoy the ride.

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Don't forget me.

Wow, haven't done a blog in ages. Trying to figure everything out is so hard..
It's like, one minute you know what you want, then the next you want the complete opposite?
I don't want to let you go.. but i really think it's for the best.
I'll miss you, but knowing that you'll be better off without me makes me feel a bit better.
I'll listen to you when you need me to hear you.
I'll be here when you need someone to be here for you.
And when you need someone to care, i'll be caring.
Just dont forget me.
time to let go.. you'll be beautiful.

Saturday, 18 September 2010

blah blahhh!

I woke up in the best mood ever and i'm not letting that go away, i have everything i want, everything i need. And everything feels perfect!
No idea why i'm so happy, but i'm hoping good things
will come from it!

sdjhfudrjfhnudxhjfhfxdjcxjfhvudg! :-D

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Hear the sub go boom

I'm afraid of the dark,
'specially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,
I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care.
Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You wanna fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

I'm sorry

..Sorry i'm not good enough for you.
I'm sorry i'm not the best looking.
I'm sorry i'm not perfect.

Tuesday, 14 September 2010


I seriously have nothing to say, my mind is blank again.

I don't even know whats going on with everything, but it's like i don't care? I don't give a shit again anymore.

Everyone has their problems, but what really annoys me is when someone blames everyone else for their actions. Cannot tell you how many times i've witnessed that.

Today i also realised that, it's best to tell the truth, even if it does hurt people. Because when you tell a lie you ruin a million truths, but if you are just honest, i suppose the outcome wouldnt be as bad as it should be. :-)

Monday, 13 September 2010

You're my bestfriend, the part of me like breathing, now half of me is left.

Don't know why i'm still searching, searching for a reason, searching for anything.

Everyone says i'm really confusing, and if i'm honest, i agree, because even i dont understand how i think or feel. But thats the adventure in it right? Just being yourself. Not being what people want you to be, because beauty is more than skin deep. I wish more people realised that.

Now youre a song i loved to sing, never thought i'd feel so free. Now i know whats meant to be, and thats okay with me.


Sunday, 12 September 2010

dot dot dot

All i can say is, if youre willing to give it up that easy, you weren't worth it in the first place.
I told you i always get too involved, I was right..
but what does it matter? I've been through it all before.
But do you know whats really annoying? What you said wouldnt happen, did.
So i sit here again thinking to myself, why do i even bother. I always always get hurt yet i still try?
At least i have proved myself right. Everyone always asks me, 'why do you never get close to anyone?'
Welll this is a prime example.
This isnt me feeling sorry for myself, this is me saying thanks for showing me you are all the same.
So, thankyou.


fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkk yyyyyoooooooouuuuuu

Saturday, 11 September 2010

Same old thing, same old routine.

I just don't know what i want anymore. I obviously want you, but i dont know if i can get myself into that.

I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of getting let down.. fucked around.

Because i'll tell you now, thats what happens to me 98.6% of the time. Maybe thats all i'll ever be.. scared.

''Dont be scared, just love.''

I'd rather be scared and not get hurt. Although it's too late for that.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

I tried to write a song, it started with a verse. To explain how i'm feeling, but i couldn't find the words. Been trying so hard for so long, but i cant find a way out of this place that i'm in.

I don't have anyone here for me anymore, not even my family. I just feel like a have no one to talk to. Doesn't look like the suns coming out anytime soon...

Monday, 6 September 2010

Oh hello drama

Who am i to say you love me?

I dont know anything, at all.

Who am i to say you need me?

I dont know anything at all..

You're a song i love to sing, never thought i'd feel so free. Now i know whats meant to be, and thats ok with me.

I dont know anything.

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Colour me blue, i'm lost in you.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance don't you?.. You can't live your life amoungst a mound of ''what ifs.'' You have to follow your heart and hope for the best.
After all, it's better to say too much than nothing at all.
But think about it.. As we grow up, we learn that even that one person that wasn't supposed to let you down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken, probably more than once. But you'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt. You'll blame a new love for the things an old one did.
You'll eventually lose someone you love, so take too many pictures, laugh too much.
And love like you've never been hurt :-)
Because every 60 seconds you spent upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Find a person who calls you becautiful, who calls you back when you hang up on them, who wants to show you off to the world even when you're not looking your best.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you about how much they care about you, and how lucky they are to have you.
Live everyday as if it was your last.

And ''hearts are often broken by words left unspoken'', so tell loved ones how you feel about them, because what if tomorrow never comes?

Keep all this with you, and just live it to the full :-)

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Beauty is more than skin deep.

everything has its beauty, but not everyone see's it.

New school year, same me.


Thursday, 2 September 2010

they see me rollin.. they hatin

Reallllly do think i've gone back to my old self over night, cause i don't give a shit about anything again. But i love not giving a shit, cause it means you never get hurt.
But i do really wanna try hard in school and that this year..
Wait, You've lost me!
Dont trust anyone!!

and now, i leave you with this picture of pain

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

I wish it was different

No one ever said that life was fair,
And i'm not saying that it should be,
So knowing that you are where you want to be, and im not, is no surprise.

Taste your vanity, it's sweet bitterness. as you hide behind your veil of my stolen hopes and lost dreams, You took them all. How can i let you know i want to be so much more, all the things you deserve, everything you've been looking for. I just have to keep fighting this battle of being fucked over, because one day i'll win. I will keep trying.

I'm praying you don't give up on me while i'm trying to get it right.
I'm sorry for being blinded, blinded by the perfect sight of you and me, when really we don't have a chance.