Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Saturday, 27 November 2010

I do very bad things, and i do them well.

you give it, you get it.

Youre only young once, so be bad, break the rules, get caught, and make it count.

Monday, 22 November 2010

You can either regret or rejoice

''I took the road less travelled by, and that has made all the difference''
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.

P.s- Hold me tight, 'cause it's always been you.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Lets make better mistakes tomorrow

Let your life shine, be a source of strength and courage. Share your wisdom. Radiate love.
Ever failed? It doesn't matter. Try again, fail better.

Don't ask what the meaning of life is, define it.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Feed me lies.

''What day is it? and in what month? This clock never seemed so alive.
I cant keep up, i can't back down, i've been losing so much time..''

I'm always a mess. I laugh too much hard at stupid things, my favourite songs make me cry. I always watch for 11:11, but i miss it more than i notice it. I do things without thinking about the outcome. I hate thinking about reality and i'm so confused 99% of the time that it's not even funny. I'm not homesick.. i'm more heartsick. For all the things i can never get back. It's hard for me to define myself.. Some would say i'm weird. But i guess i'm just different. I'm not pretty. I make mistakes, I'm far from perfect and I'm definately not an easy person to figure out, but thats me. I don't want to be the heroine in some tragic love story, I just want one person who wouldn't give me a second thought.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Youre amazing just the way you are.

Here we go again.

I want to hold your hands and walk a mile, don't want to miss you.

Hug me for my worries to die.. my heart to fly. It hurts me to know that sometimes i can be a little selfish when it comes to you, fear of future is worse than the pain of the past.
-When you really want something, sometimes you have to swim a little deeper, you can't just give up because things don't come easy. You have to overcome the obstacles and face your fears. But in the end it's all worth it. Life's full of ups and downs, but if you believe in yourself you will always come through with flying colours. Value friendship, love, and faith.
Never underestimate yourself.

Friday, 8 October 2010

You take my breath away.

I know i love you because i stop breathing when i think i'm losing you, and there'll be no excuse so i'd be on my knees. Just stay a minute and dont let go of me, you take my breath away. I know I care because when you're happy i am. And no matter how much it hurts, i'd still walk away from you if thats what you wanted. And i know i'm sorry because its becoming clear that i broke it all into pieces and i can't reverse it. Im sorry for the pain i caused you, i'm sorry for the words i didnt say.
But like you said.. ''life goes on.''
I'm just sorry my life has to go on without you.. I think the world of you.

P.s, I didnt want it to end like this, but i think you do, so i'm not going to get in the way.. I'll miss you.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

and please.. don't leave me now.

All of it is gone. There's nothing left.. I'm sorry.

''seasons come and go, but i will never change''

And now that autumn is here, i just want to run away. Get away from it all, and not come back until spring. Because winter brings back the memories. The ones i don't want to remember.

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

''You're a beautiful disaster.''

Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love. And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes... you get it back and live happily ever after.

''Whenever I cried he would always make me feel like he would change the world if he could so it couldn't hurt me anymore''

I feel lost, somehow I'm drifting away,
Was almost gone, you brought me to life again.
So let me be your lighthouse
And I'll help you find the way out of here..

Whats the world coming to..

Now seriously.. Last night i was just casually walking to the shops, as you do, and this little girl decides to shout at me; ''come!'' as if to start a fight, and she was dead serious. I kid you not, she was about 9. How the hell did her parents bring her up!? Beat her!? Let her watch jeremy kyle!?
I can almost bet you her first word was 'wanker' or something.

I know i have a bit of time to think about it, but i got my work experience letter and i don't know what i want to do with myself? My mind was blank. There's only one thing i'm certain of and thats travelling, and that i want to do things that others wouldnt dare to. I'm definately going to travel for a year or so, get away from swindon, but thats all i've really thought about, thats all i really want to think about.
Because, knowing that one day i have to go into the world by myself scares the hell out of me. But everyone does it i suppose, some take it more lightly than others. OR could just live the high life and be a drug dealer? maybe.
I've come to realise as i was led in bed last night that i think things through way too much. I live everyday as if it's my last.. but i just want to get away from everything. This is breaking me. It's killing me. I cant do it anymore. But even though i cant, i'd still try for you. Because i care for you, i'm just sorry it's like this. Just know i'll always have time for you.

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

p.s i miss you

No matter how much i try to get you out of my head you're always there.
Take a risk..
p.s i love you

P.s, I love you.

Monday, 27 September 2010

Fall in love or fall in hate
Get inspired, or be depressed
Ace a test or flunk a class
Make babies, or make art
Speak the truth, or lie and cheat
Dance on tables or sit in the corner
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself, breathe,
and enjoy the ride.

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Don't forget me.

Wow, haven't done a blog in ages. Trying to figure everything out is so hard..
It's like, one minute you know what you want, then the next you want the complete opposite?
I don't want to let you go.. but i really think it's for the best.
I'll miss you, but knowing that you'll be better off without me makes me feel a bit better.
I'll listen to you when you need me to hear you.
I'll be here when you need someone to be here for you.
And when you need someone to care, i'll be caring.
Just dont forget me.
time to let go.. you'll be beautiful.

Saturday, 18 September 2010

blah blahhh!

I woke up in the best mood ever and i'm not letting that go away, i have everything i want, everything i need. And everything feels perfect!
No idea why i'm so happy, but i'm hoping good things
will come from it!

sdjhfudrjfhnudxhjfhfxdjcxjfhvudg! :-D

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Hear the sub go boom

I'm afraid of the dark,
'specially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,
I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care.
Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You wanna fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

I'm sorry

..Sorry i'm not good enough for you.
I'm sorry i'm not the best looking.
I'm sorry i'm not perfect.

Tuesday, 14 September 2010


I seriously have nothing to say, my mind is blank again.

I don't even know whats going on with everything, but it's like i don't care? I don't give a shit again anymore.

Everyone has their problems, but what really annoys me is when someone blames everyone else for their actions. Cannot tell you how many times i've witnessed that.

Today i also realised that, it's best to tell the truth, even if it does hurt people. Because when you tell a lie you ruin a million truths, but if you are just honest, i suppose the outcome wouldnt be as bad as it should be. :-)

Monday, 13 September 2010

You're my bestfriend, the part of me like breathing, now half of me is left.

Don't know why i'm still searching, searching for a reason, searching for anything.

Everyone says i'm really confusing, and if i'm honest, i agree, because even i dont understand how i think or feel. But thats the adventure in it right? Just being yourself. Not being what people want you to be, because beauty is more than skin deep. I wish more people realised that.

Now youre a song i loved to sing, never thought i'd feel so free. Now i know whats meant to be, and thats okay with me.


Sunday, 12 September 2010

dot dot dot

All i can say is, if youre willing to give it up that easy, you weren't worth it in the first place.
I told you i always get too involved, I was right..
but what does it matter? I've been through it all before.
But do you know whats really annoying? What you said wouldnt happen, did.
So i sit here again thinking to myself, why do i even bother. I always always get hurt yet i still try?
At least i have proved myself right. Everyone always asks me, 'why do you never get close to anyone?'
Welll this is a prime example.
This isnt me feeling sorry for myself, this is me saying thanks for showing me you are all the same.
So, thankyou.


fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkk yyyyyoooooooouuuuuu

Saturday, 11 September 2010

Same old thing, same old routine.

I just don't know what i want anymore. I obviously want you, but i dont know if i can get myself into that.

I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of getting let down.. fucked around.

Because i'll tell you now, thats what happens to me 98.6% of the time. Maybe thats all i'll ever be.. scared.

''Dont be scared, just love.''

I'd rather be scared and not get hurt. Although it's too late for that.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

I tried to write a song, it started with a verse. To explain how i'm feeling, but i couldn't find the words. Been trying so hard for so long, but i cant find a way out of this place that i'm in.

I don't have anyone here for me anymore, not even my family. I just feel like a have no one to talk to. Doesn't look like the suns coming out anytime soon...

Monday, 6 September 2010

Oh hello drama

Who am i to say you love me?

I dont know anything, at all.

Who am i to say you need me?

I dont know anything at all..

You're a song i love to sing, never thought i'd feel so free. Now i know whats meant to be, and thats ok with me.

I dont know anything.

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Colour me blue, i'm lost in you.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance don't you?.. You can't live your life amoungst a mound of ''what ifs.'' You have to follow your heart and hope for the best.
After all, it's better to say too much than nothing at all.
But think about it.. As we grow up, we learn that even that one person that wasn't supposed to let you down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken, probably more than once. But you'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt. You'll blame a new love for the things an old one did.
You'll eventually lose someone you love, so take too many pictures, laugh too much.
And love like you've never been hurt :-)
Because every 60 seconds you spent upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Find a person who calls you becautiful, who calls you back when you hang up on them, who wants to show you off to the world even when you're not looking your best.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you about how much they care about you, and how lucky they are to have you.
Live everyday as if it was your last.

And ''hearts are often broken by words left unspoken'', so tell loved ones how you feel about them, because what if tomorrow never comes?

Keep all this with you, and just live it to the full :-)

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Beauty is more than skin deep.

everything has its beauty, but not everyone see's it.

New school year, same me.


Thursday, 2 September 2010

they see me rollin.. they hatin

Reallllly do think i've gone back to my old self over night, cause i don't give a shit about anything again. But i love not giving a shit, cause it means you never get hurt.
But i do really wanna try hard in school and that this year..
Wait, You've lost me!
Dont trust anyone!!

and now, i leave you with this picture of pain

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

I wish it was different

No one ever said that life was fair,
And i'm not saying that it should be,
So knowing that you are where you want to be, and im not, is no surprise.

Taste your vanity, it's sweet bitterness. as you hide behind your veil of my stolen hopes and lost dreams, You took them all. How can i let you know i want to be so much more, all the things you deserve, everything you've been looking for. I just have to keep fighting this battle of being fucked over, because one day i'll win. I will keep trying.

I'm praying you don't give up on me while i'm trying to get it right.
I'm sorry for being blinded, blinded by the perfect sight of you and me, when really we don't have a chance.

Monday, 30 August 2010

Tonight i'll stay home.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

If this is how it has to be, just promise you won't forget me.

Saturday, 28 August 2010

You said you loved me.

More than anyone else could ever know, but now you're leaving. Can't wait to strive to work this out, and I've never been one to brag. The nights get lonely and all I have left is a memory of you. I tried to say this but now there's nothing left for me to do and I've never been one to brag. Please don't go, just stay. I watched with tears in my eyes as you walked away. Miss your voice, and your touch, and if I told you I loved you could that be enough?

An awkward silence it's been too long since I've heard from you, and I lay sleepless knowing that my heart still belongs to you. And I've never been one to brag.

And if i told you i loved you, would that be enough?

Looking back, i don't regret one single day.
Ask anyone, when your name comes up in a conversation, my eyes sparkle and my smile shines.
I've never felt this way for anyone, and it frightens me.
You never leave my mind, even when i have better things to think about.
There's no place i'd rather be than right here with you.
Cause i love you with all that i am, and my voice shakes along with my hands.

Friday, 27 August 2010

I never thought i'd be saying this.

There is a point where you stop and say to yourself, enough is enough.

I'm tired of waiting, because i feel like i'm waiting for something that isn't even going to happen. And I don't have time to be worrying about that kinda drama when i could be worrying about more creative things, things that might actually get somewhere.

Today as i walked around town, I looked around me and i can honestly say all i saw was fake. Nothing is original anymore, it's very rarely you get an original person. I try to be as original as i can, but sometimes i even find myself slipping into the stupid routine of the un-original. I definatley think that it's better being your own person. Do you want to be remembered as a mindless zombie following the crowd, or someone who did their own thing and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought? I know which one i rather. People who hate on you for being different are fucking arseholes.

Be your own person.

Thursday, 26 August 2010

I've been staring at this for atleast 10 minutes, trying to figure out what to write about, but the truth is my mind is totally blank. I'm kinda starting to feel vunerable in a way i suppose.

Have you ever thought to yourself, whats the point?
Whats the point in doing what your about to do, whats the point in anything? There is always a point, but it's not always the right one.
I cant even begin to tell you how many people i've seen hurt over other peoples actions, yet the person who has actually said something/done something, doesn't realise the impact it's made on others.
It would be so great if everyone got along, but lets face it, you can't like everyone.
It's like when you meet that reaaaaally annoying person at the bus-stop, the one who wont stop telling you about their life stories. Although i do admire them for opening up to anyone they meet, because afterall, there is not a lot of people you can trust these days. I'd like to say i trust a lot of people, but truth of the matter, there is very few. Like when you think you know a person, but you really really dont. They lie and lie to you through their teeth until they can possibly lie no more. It's people like that you don't need in your life.

The only people you need in your life, are the ones who need you back. The ones who will love and cherish you for whoever you may be.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

The point.

Sometimes you gotta give up before you look like a fool..

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

Sunday, 22 August 2010

This summer is coming to a close.

And i'm starting to figure out, that i cannot live without you. I hope you're thinking of me, cause all the starts above me sing your name, i'll never be the same again..

Absolutely everyone makes mistakes. They could be big ones, small ones, and even life changing ones. I've definately made my fair of share mistakes. The worst outcome of a mistake though, is losing someones trust. When there is no trust between two people, there isn't really much there. Trust makes the bond so much stronger, knowing you can count on that person, tell them anything, just makes the relationship that so much more special.

But once trust is broken, it will never come back no matter how much you want it to. I see so many relationships lose their trust, just because either of them want a bit of fun, or just don't think of the hurt and pain it will cause before they act.
I do really think i've found an amazing person. And i do really want it to work, unbelievable amounts. So i do hope it does. :-)

But you see, nothing ever goes to plan, does it?

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

A million kisses..

Woke up this morning in the most confused mood ever. Like I have said before, I don't care about what anyone thinks of me.. but thats a lie really isn't it? Because there is one person, and i really do care what he thinks of me. I always try to make myself look less of an idiot to him. It's like, you know when someone just makes you smile? Yeah, that.

And when your stars dont shine, i'll give you mine and lay a million kisses on you..
you dont need a dollar baby to steal this heart of mine, your heart is worth a million bucks and its beating next to mine, If you've got the time i'll make you mine and lay a million kisses on you..

But sometimes i do feel like i'm not good enough for him, because you just get that feeling when you know there are thousands of girls that are better than you. But that doesn't matter, because you should always embrace who you are. Never let anyone put you down, or tell you that you're not beautiful because everyone is beautiful. Being yourself is the key to finding the people that will be true to you, they will love you for who you are. So never pretend to be something you're not when the real person inside of you is so much better than the fake one.

..We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.

Friday, 20 August 2010

never let me go

I think letting go of someone so dear to you is probably the hardest thing to do. Obviously a family member dying, there is nothing you can do is there? It frustrates me. When my nan died, i always blamed myself. Even though i know i couldn't have done anything to help her, i wanted to help her so much. But say, losing a bestfriend or boyfriend/girlfriend, there is all these quotes about how you can never get them back, and how you need to let go of what you love.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”

To me, that quote is bullshit. Only let go when you want to let go. Otherwise, fight with all you have, because if you really love and want that person, you won't let them go, you should fight for them. I don't care what anyone says, letting go is giving up. You should never give up on who you love, no matter how much they hurt you. Because when they're gone out of your life thats it, you'll never get to say what you needed to.
Never let go of that fiery sadness called desire.

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Big city dreams..

So basically i wanted to start a new blog, mostly because the other didn't start off with what or mostly, who, i wanted it to.

Ever since the events at the start of the holidays, my mind has been a complete mess. I want to do everything right, but how do you know whats right and wrong? Because sometimes when you know you're doing wrong, it feels so right.

''I guess that i can live without you but, without you i'll be miserable at best.''

People care way too much about what others think about them. I really couldn't care less about what people think about me, i've made mistakes, who hasn't? The only thing that matters is the people that matter to you know you're a decent person.

''Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.''